My Back Pain is Fucking Chronic!

I am now, after ten long years of outlaw smoking, legally allowed to smoke doobies within the great state of Washington. That’s right I have been authorized to use medicinal marijuana. How did I do it, you ask? Well, being a lazy individual, prone to sitting long hours on a couch with poor posture, I have developed some pretty bitchin’ back pain in a relatively quick fashion. Originally my thoughts went something like, “fuck it, who gives a shit? let’s smoke a fuckin doob,” but then I discovered that my ailment could be my ticket to making my ten doob a day habit into a medical necessity and getting Johnny Law off my back once and for all (well at least for all doobie smokin related crimes, my rape-a-day regiment remains 100% illegal at the time of this post, unfortunately). So, long story short I went and got a few massages from a “Naturopathic Physician” (fake doctor that is into tantric sex and doobie smokin), took the medical records over to the marijuana doctor, paid some money and walked out the door with a certifiable doctor’s authorization enabling me to be in possession of up to 24 ounces of sweet sinsemilla. This supposedly constitutes a 60 day supply of “medicine.” Really, Suits? You really think that a pound and a half of weed will last me, Eugene Doobs, Doobie Smoker Extraordinaire, two full months? What are you, out of your fucking minds? Yeah that sounds like an adequate stash…for maybe the Son of the Doobie Bros in some sort of alternate universe where instead of partying my face off for the rest of my life I decide to build a home and marry a nice young lady and together we raise a well-behaved, intelligent boy who is a complete lightweight that smokes less than a half an ounce a day. Nothing but a bunch of tomfoolery if you ask me. But I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, at least a small portion of my supply is legal now. Fuck it, who gives a shit? Let’s go take some medicine…

In the words of world-class stoner and apparent witch doctor, Peter Tosh…Legalize It!


Doobie Bros Charity Act of the Week

Sometimes I go searching through the “Gigs” section on Craigslist, seeing if anyone needs to hire some hard rocking doobie smokers to entertain at a cocktail party or something. Today when I was perusing, I found a post from a desperate soul. Here is a screen shot of the post since it will probably be taken down (click on it if it’s too small):

This was too good of an opportunity to pass up so I wrote this email.  Hopefully it is good enough to get the job.

Some Pretty Killer Doobie Toons

New Moondoggies album Tidelands comes out Oct. 12th. Here is a sweet video for a song on it:

A later post on the Moondoggies is in order.

Another similar band that I’m really digging right now is Local Natives. At first I was hesitant because I assumed they were just going to be a bunch of indians banging on drums and blowing on foreskin chimes. Prejudices aside, they have a really nice sound. Vocal harmonies and a sprinkling of horns here and there. That’s a recipe for success in my book. (The book is called Recipes For Things That Don’t Need Recipes, out soon).

Here is their album Gorilla Manor.

This Bird Is Tripping The Fuck Out

This is the sweet video for the Hermanos Inglesos song “Wonderland”.  Pretty standard, bird does drugs story here.

Let me know if you want the whole album.

Doobie Bros Strain Review: Sweet Tangerine

Strain:  Sweet Tangerine

Looks Like:  Like a tangerine that looks like bud

Smells Like:  Sweet and piney like a lumberjack’s vaginey

Tastes Like:  Sucking the nectar out of a pine tree titty

First, my guest from Croatia, Warty Branislav would like to tell a joke:

A Croatian man walk in bar.  Bartender ask what he have in box.

Croatian say he have 12-inch pianist.  Bartender ask take look.

Croatian say “it actually stillborn fetus from sister.  I in search of salt so I can eat.”

Well that was interesting.

On America’s Funniest Videos they blurred the dog shit coming out of a dog’s ass.  I now have the irresistible urge to find the uncensored clip online.

Next time I want to kill myself, I’m going to stop for a moment and take a toke out of this bong:

My two cents on sponges:  You get what you pay for.

I’m tired of this whole “Is it a fruit or a vegetable?” debate going on these days.  Let’s just agree that those kinds of things taste like shit and move on.

As you can see, this Sweet Tangerine is excellent.

Rating: A weed cookie that looks like a pumpkin.

The Flower

Here is an awesome animated short about ending the marijuana prohibition. It is pretty short and very enjoyable.

Honorary Doobie Bro of the Week: Bobby Jones

Bobby Jones is getting it done overseas. He gets the coveted position of honorary Doobie Bro because he is awesome. And he smoked blunts with us.